


Conscious Artificial Intelligence Up To No Good

by dogtier



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Consent Issues, M/M, Other, Robot Sex, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-11
Updated: 2012-02-11
Packaged: 2017-10-30 22:49:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/337047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogtier/pseuds/dogtier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sawtooth shows Squarewave a few new tricks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conscious Artificial Intelligence Up To No Good

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this picture](http://kilehye.tumblr.com/post/17359341997) by Kilehye.
> 
> Title from "Cybernetic Circuits" by Optimus Rhyme.
> 
> Some wheedling of a partner into sex by being a sleazy robot pimp daddy, but not strong enough that I would classify this as dubcon. Just be aware.
> 
> Also I have no idea how robots actually work.

Squarewave wasn't built to be the smartest bot around, he knew that. But any bot worth its weight in scrap knew the rudimentary facts about electricity. How much they needed, where to get it, how to make sure wires were safe. That sort of thing is built into a bot's programming, like instincts in an organic animal. Some things, however, weren't built in and you had to figure them out for yourself. Or, if you were really lucky, have a great friend like Sawtooth to show you. 

Nylon worked the best. It was pretty easy to find nylon sports gear to fit over even the oddest shaped body. You didn't want it too tight, you wanted a little room for it to move. When it rubbed together between their bodies the fabric made a slick noise, vrrp vrrp vrrp, so unlike the clang of metal against metal. Every motion was accompanied by the low noise of hydraulic pumps and greased joints working with increased speed. 

Sawtooth pinned his friend to the floor, lacing their fingers together and pulling Squarewave's hands up above his head to hold him down. Squarewave clung on with his legs, riding out Sawtooth's movements. The friction was building between them, electrons being passed back and forth between their clothing and soon the charge was tingling through the air, ready to burst. 

When the first static spark finally popped Squarewave jerked in surprise. It tingled along his metallic skin, confusing his sensors. Sawtooth sped up, rutting against him faster and faster (though always with perfect rhythm), pushing them along the carpet and gathering more tickling sparks as they went. Every so often one would skip over Squarewave's voice box, drawing out a buzzing that was almost a gasp. Sawtooth chuckled, mechanical and autotuned as he unlaced their hands. He trailed his fingers over Squarewave's neck, tilting Squarewave's head to the side so he could brush over the data port tucked neatly at the back of his skull.

"I'm not sure-" Squarewave began. 

"Shh," Sawtooth said. "Come on baby, just a little." 

Sawtooth rubbed the tip of the data cable hidden in his index finger around and around Squarewave's port, teasing him. It was maddening. 

"Okay, do it already," Squarewave said at last. 

"Ask nicely," Sawtooth told him. Squarewave resisted, it was Sawtooth's idea in the first place why should he be the one to beg, but Sawtooth rubbed his free hand up Squarewave's side, pulling another wave of static shocks along with it. It made Squarewave's circuits tremble.

" _Please_ ," Squarewave said desperately. 

"See, that wasn't so hard," Sawtooth said. 

Squarewave's voice box produced an involuntary squeal of feedback when Sawtooth finally popped in with a click, immediately pushing strange coding into Squarewave's processors. The data hit against Squarewave's firewalls, trying to go deeper into Squarewave's core. 

"Come on, open up and let me in," Sawtooth whispered. 

Squarewave was distantly aware that some of this was probably a bad idea, that there were things like virus scans for a reason but Sawtooth always made it hard to think. So when he repeated his urging Squarewave obeyed, dropping his shields and letting Sawtooth's program slip into his data stream, rushing past his helpless digital neurons and going right for the hard drive. Squarewave's body jerked, joints clenching and unclenching as Sawtooth dug through his programming. 

"Oh yeah," Sawtooth said. "Baby, your circuits are _beautiful_."

He pressed in further, no longer just lightly touching each data node but going inside, riffling through Squarewave's information. It was terrifying and thrilling and so undeniably _intimate_. Squarewave clung on best he could, legs tight around Sawtooth's chassis, hoping for some sort of grounding but it didn't help. 

"Saw-" Squarewave began.

"Shh," Sawtooth said. "Just a little more, you're going to love it." 

Squarewave's vision units shut down. He started to panic but Sawtooth took that away from him too, playing with him, toying with him, oh wow he had no idea someone could do this. He never imagined, it was overwhelming and he couldn't and then- and then- and _then-_

The quiet of the room was shattered by another squeal of feedback, longer and louder as Sawtooth found some hidden file that seemed to short circuit Squarewave, reducing him to nothing but a tingling, white outed mess. The waves of it shuddered back through the data cable, rushing through Sawtooth as well. 

"Fuuuu-," Sawtooth said, voice shorting out halfway through his swear. His hydraulics stiffened and then relaxed all at once, letting his whole weight collapse on his little friend with a thud. Squarewave didn't seem to notice, still fritzing slightly. Sawtooth carefully pulled out, reverting everything back to the way he found it, but not without giving every beautiful little data packet a firm digital squeeze. 

"Oh," Squarewave said at last, shivering as Sawtooth withdrew the cable. 

"You with me, babe?" Sawtooth asked. 

"Yeah," Squarewave said. His voice box kept squeaking. He wondered how long that would last. He felt like he needed to be plugged in for a _year_. 

"Told you you'd like it," Sawtooth said. He climbed off Squarewave, who was a little sad about the loss. "Damn, that was a nice way to waste some time. We should do it again, bro."

"Yeah," Squarewave agreed. Sawtooth cocked his head to the side, then plucked the hat from his head (how they hell had he kept that _on_ ) and deposited it on Squarewave's noggin. 

"Stay cool, little bot," Sawtooth told him. 

Squarewave sat in a daze as Sawtooth swept from the room. Oh wow, he was _cool_. This was the best day ever.


End file.
